


Immortal Flight

by raijahn



Category: Smallville
Genre: Futurefic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-09
Updated: 2004-03-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 09:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raijahn/pseuds/raijahn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Superman's last flight.  Written for the 2004 Take a Flying Leap Challenge.<br/>Warning: Death themes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Immortal Flight

## Immortal Flight

by Raijahn

<http://raijahn.livejournal.com>

* * *

Immortal Flight 

I'm a hero. Superman. The savior of millions. 

And the betrayer of one. 

Because I couldn't save the one person who made it his soul purpose in life to repeatedly save me. It was bad enough when Chloe died. Then the grief had consumed me for months. But to lose Lex, when I could've prevented it? For that I feel I should suffer eternally. 

Very gently I close the lid on the beautiful lead box that belonged to Lillian Luthor. It once held Lana's Kryptonite necklace, back when I still fancied myself in love with her. When Lex pushed away his own feelings and tried to help me win her. It now holds Lex's remains. I set it down gently on Lex's glass desk and pick up the decanter of scotch, bringing it to my nose and sniffing delicately. The smell evokes dozens of memories. 

Lex's breath on my face as he leans in for a kiss... Knowing exactly how bad a day Lex had by the amount of scotch left in his glass... The laughter in his eyes the first time I tried some and almost choked from the unexpected burn... 

Setting the decanter back down, I place my hands gently on the desk. Smiling sadly, I remember the many times he had to replace it, because of our 'activities'. He always got the same one. Bought the company out about sixty years ago to insure that. The grand gestures of a sentimental man. 

Memories and mementos surround me. The scotch, the lead box, the desk. Photos of us by ourselves, with friends, family. Framed copies of our wedding announcements and invitations. I can still see the expression on his face the day we exchanged our vows. How tears filled his eyes when I promised to cherish him for eternity. 

Glass shatters as I slowly push everything but the box to the floor. Clearing the desk of memory, wiping the slate clean. Until there is just Lex and me. 

I pick up the lead box and dump the ashes out, running my hands through them, spreading them over the glass and coating every inch of my skin. As if I can soak in Lex's essence. As if by absorbing his remains I can bring him back to life. It's almost ritualistic. Painting my skin with gray ash, with the life that resides in death. 

~Body of my body, blood of my blood.~ 

And yet, I still feel nothing but grief. 

With sudden violence, I shove the desk away from me. It flies across the room and shatters against the far wall. The noise seems to leech away the rest of my anger. I've vented so much over the past four days that I'm surprised I have any anger left in me. This room is the last to suffer from my grief. The rest of the castle lies in ruins. Our bedroom was the first to go. The mattress is still in orbit. Occasionally I overhear comments from people in town, wondering if I've finally lost it. 

It doesn't matter if I have. The planet's savior is gone. I'm incapable of being that man anymore. The people aboard the 747 I rescued the night Lex died will be the last ones able to say, "Superman saved me." I want to be angry with them. But it's not their fault. I made my choice. A plane with 416 passengers and no cockpit or one lone soul trapped in a steel coffin. I made the choice Lex wanted me to. I know I did. 

It doesn't make the hurt any less. 

Lex lived longer than either of us had imagined possible, but it still wasn't long enough. Forever couldn't be enough. I can feel grief trying to claw its way out of my throat, but I refuse to allow myself that release. To give in is to admit he's gone. I can't do that, not yet. Maybe not ever. I am immortal, after all. There is nothing on this earth that can kill me. And I refuse to live forever in sorrow. 

Cassandra's vision, the one she had of me so long ago in Smallville, makes perfect sense now. Closing my eyes I can still feel the mud soaking through my jeans as I kneel and rain falls in hard sheets around me. Names of everyone I cared for on the gravestones that surround me. Everyone except Lex. Lex who lived to be one hundred and thirty-eight years of age. Lex, ever the scientist, the problem solver, the man who refused to stop searching for the 'fountain of youth'. 

I couldn't bury Lex in Smallville Cemetery because it no longer exists. Graves were dug up and bodies incinerated to make way for one of LuthorCorp's projects. LexCorp tried for the bid on that specific development, to keep that destruction from happening, but was undercut because of a mole within the company. One of many that we found over the years. Tightening security again and again became second nature. Taking along body guards the day we picked out our wedding rings barely fazed us. It kept the press away, though, which was a plus. 

The wedding rings now hang on a platinum chain around my neck, alongside the pendent of the Kryptonian symbol for love. Lex had it crafted for my high school graduation, the day we finally came out to our friends and family about our relationship. I can't bear to wear my ring any longer. I miss Lex with every fiber of my being, and it's comforting to be able to feel all three pieces of metal bumping gently against each other every time I move. 

Sighing softly, I get up and walk out of the castle. Out into the rain. There's nothing holding me here any longer. My parents had no more children. After the baby died, they just didn't have the heart to try anymore. Chloe died before she had the chance to meet someone worthy enough to start a family with. Lana and Pete were unable to conceive and too devastated by that knowledge to adopt. Lex and I decided against raising a family as both of us were always in the public eye and, more often than not, in danger. By the time we came out to the public, it just wasn't feasible. 

Lex made me promise with his last breath that I wouldn't blame myself for not saving him. He sat there bleeding to death inside a mangled gray Porsche and told me it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't be everywhere at once. Lex understood that like no one else ever could. Understood it so clearly, he wasted his last moments on earth insuring himself that I wouldn't feel at fault. It was almost poetic. The first words I uttered to him were a lie. As were the last. 

Lex was my hero. He was always there when I came home from the fires, the earthquakes, the wars. The one to hold me when grief for the lost lives got the better of me. To listen as I raged against the unfairness of human nature, which to this day, still strives to destroy. He was always there whether physically or just in spirit. I always felt him there. 

Now he won't be. Swallowing hard, I turn away from that train of thought. 

I promised him that I wouldn't blame myself. I lied. My responsibility should have been to him, not to strangers who would never know the kind of sacrifice I was making for them. Who will probably never care. Lex should have come first, no matter what. I should never have listened to him tell me time and again how my responsibility lay with those I swore to protect when I took on the mantle of Superman. 

Rain falls steadily as I walk. My clothes are already soaked through, my hair plastered to my scalp, rivulets of rain dripping down my face from the hair in my eyes. Smiling wistfully I remember how Lex enjoyed playing with my hair when I let it grow out. 

A small part of me fancies that the skies are crying the tears I won't allow myself to shed. I feel beyond pain, beyond grief, beyond loss. Tears are a privilege I don't deserve. The only thing I feel with any certainty is a burning need to join Lex, wherever he may have gone. 

I barely notice how my walking turns to running and running to flying until I land at my destination. 

Loeb Bridge. Where it all began. 

I feel my control slip. The last place I need to be tonight is the one place where the ties are the strongest. Lex had taken great pleasure in preserving this part of our history. The bridge is the starting point, where two paths collided and merged into one. Lex would have had it bronzed and mounted in the castle if he could. 

Clenching the railing in my hands, I feel the metal begin to give as the emotions I've kept at bay for so long finally break loose. Roaring like a wounded animal, I release the anguish. Allow myself to finally feel the loss. Lex is dead. He isn't ever coming back. I am alone. 

I feel like drowning myself in the river, except I can't drown. Hysterical laughter escapes as I fly up into the sky and soar towards the stars. Screaming my agony to the wind. I never thought I could feel so empty, so alone. 

There is no reason for me to go back. I've served as Earth's savior for over a hundred years. I'm tired. I just want to rest. To wrap myself up in Lex and sleep for eternity. For the thousandth time I wish for death. Instead, I fly around and around the earth, faster and faster. 

I won't stop until the pain does. 


End file.
